November-December 2014 … The Global Online Magazine of Arts, Information & Entertainment … Volume 10, Number 6
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Casual Observer: Trophy Envy

Not the real trophy, but that's another story.

Trophy Envy

By Mark Levy

My archery trophy sits atop the mantel of my fireplace. It’s almost as high as the living room ceiling. It’s the biggest trophy I’ve ever seen, about four feet high. The base is a solid rectangle of marble, four inches by six inches and about half an inch thick. Anchored to the base rise up two majestic Greek columns, also of marble, and some sort of imitation gold insignia spanning the two uprights. Then there’s another tier above the columns with another large marble platform and a column above that. It must be 14 pounds, the weight of an average Thanksgiving turkey.

The statue itself is gold-colored plastic and depicts a slender male archer with perfect form and with his bow extended. There’s a black metal plate attached to the front edge of the base and it says, “Mark Levy, First Prize, International Archery Competition.”

The whole trophy is impressive as heck.

In fact, it often elicits admiring comments from guests who visit my house, which was the whole point in displaying it in my living room in the first place.

I have to admit that I’m more than a little proud of the trophy. It really dominates the room, especially from the point of view of a guest whom I direct to the cushy chair that faces it.

The conversation usually goes something like this:

“Wow, what a trophy,” they say.

I just smile, modestly.

“Is that yours?”

“Yup,” I admit.

“I didn’t know you were into archery.”

I continue to smile. Sometimes I say something like, “Well, I don’t like to brag.”

“When did you get that?”

“A few years ago,” I say. “I’m a little embarrassed that it’s so big. Barely fits above the fireplace.”

I can keep the conversation going for awhile, but at some point, I usually have had enough basking in their respect. So I confess that, although it’s my trophy –- I mean, I own it — I didn’t really win it. I merely purchased it at a garage sale for fifty cents.

Oh, and the name plate cost an additional two bucks a few years ago. Turns out, trophy suppliers don’t really question authenticity of the name plates they produce. If you want them to engrave something, they will. Truth to tell, I could see that my local trophy maker was pretty impressed with the size of my trophy, too.

Dead silence usually ensues after my confession.

“I’m looking for a fishing trophy to make it a set,” I say. “Do you think that would be too much? Would people actually believe I won… I mean I own… both of them?”